


savoring this heart that's healing

by blowthepiri



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blowthepiri/pseuds/blowthepiri
Summary: Where Yubin would smile up at her and possibly even touch her hand, Dami just stares ahead and pays her no mind.It always stings, when Yubin is in Dami mode and is less physically affectionate than she usually would be.
Relationships: Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Yubin | Dami
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	savoring this heart that's healing

**Author's Note:**

> so, i sort of ran with this when yoohyeon said dami is cold and she likes yubin better, because i am utterly Fascinated by the distinction. also, when yoohyeon said she'd want 5 dami's so she could hang out with one because she's always busy. thanks yoohyeon for giving me great material.

Yoohyeon is hidden under the covers on Yubin’s bed, cocooning herself as Yubin’s alarm sounds. 

“I’m not ready to get up yet,” Yoohyeon complains, burrowing deeper into the mattress and pressing her cheek against Yubin’s shoulder. 

Yubin has her phone in hand, quieting the sounds from her phone. “We have a couple of minutes,” Yubin says, meaning she’d snoozed the alarm. She snuggles herself closer to Yoohyeon, rolling herself onto her stomach and throwing her arm around Yoohyeon’s waist. 

Yoohyeon thinks of herself as unbelievably lucky to get to see this side of her. Of course, all the members see a specific softer, gentler and more affectionate side to Yubin, but Yoohyeon thinks she is the only one who really gets  _ this.  _

(Siyeon does, too. Yoohyeon tries not to get jealous of the nights Yubin spends in her old room, cuddling up with Siyeon on her lower bunk while Yoohyeon sleeps alone in Yubin’s empty bed.)

Yubin is making these cute grumbling sounds as the alarm triggers again, and Yoohyeon stretches her legs. Yubin makes this difficult, though, because her arm is still tight over her stomach. The alarm is still going off. 

“You gonna get that?” Yoohyeon asks. 

With a grunt, Yubin turns the alarm off and sits up. Her hair is all fluffy from sleep and there’s an imprint from Yoohyeon’s shirt on Yubin’s face. She yawns and stretches her arms above her head. 

“Let’s go get breakfast,” Yubin mumbles. 

Yoohyeon murmurs agreement, waiting until Yubin is already halfway out the door before getting herself up. 

* * *

They’re doing promotional stuff today. Yoohyeon is all made up, Minji has the camera rolling for some behind-the-scenes note to post to their YouTube channel, Bora and Siyeon and Gahyeon are being loud somewhere she can’t see. Yubin is in the chair next to her, her makeup artist just having finished turning Yubin into Dami. 

And the change is striking. It’s almost immediate, how quickly goes the cute sleep-rumpled girl form the morning to make way for the intimidating main rapper of their group. This part of her persona has always intrigued Yoohyeon as much as it confused and scared her. 

Yoohyeon’s time in the makeup chair is done, so she gets up and rests her hand Yubin’s arm on the way. Where Yubin would smile up at her and possibly even touch her hand, Dami just stares ahead and pays her no mind. 

It always stings, when Yubin is in Dami mode and is less physically affectionate than she usually would be. And sometimes, sometimes it slips through and she’ll drape herself over Yoohyeon or Siyeon’s back, sometimes she’ll allow Minji or Gahyeon to hug her from the side or hold her hand, sometimes she’ll rest her head on Handong. But a lot of the time… Dami is colder than Yubin is. 

Dami is also busier than Yubin is. Where Yubin will lay out her time for all the members, most of all Yoohyeon, Dami locks herself away and tries to get as much creative time in as possible. Writing lyrics, making composition notes, sometimes even just working on choreography. She’s always so busy, especially during their promotional periods, that Yoohyeon doesn’t feel like she’s there at all. 

She peeks over to where Yubin, at a table at their company. Minji is sitting with her, and Yubin is smiling. Laughing, even, what she was working on left abandoned. 

Yoohyeon feels jealousy pull at her chest and tug it lower until she can’t breathe. 

* * *

It’s 2 a.m., and Yoohyeon has been in Yubin’s bedroom since ten p.m. Alone. With a sigh, she gets up and wanders into the kitchen. She grabs a bottle of water in the fridge and tip-toes through the dorm until she reaches the living room. Of course, Yubin is there.

She’s sitting, legs propped up on the table, her pen between her teeth and her eyebrows knit together. When Yubin seems to hear Yoohyeon’s footsteps approaching, she looks up and the moment she does Yoohyeon feels something in her stomach drop. 

“What are you doing up? It’s late,” Yubin says, flat. 

“I was just wondering when you’re coming to bed,” Yoohyeon says. Yubin just stares at her, expressionless. “I brought you some water in case you were thirsty.” 

Yubin looks pointedly down at her notebook. “I’m writing,” she states, obvious. 

“I know,” Yoohyeon stammers, hating how her eyes well up with tears. “I just thought you might be tired or thirsty. I’m sorry.” 

Yubin breathes out and closes her notebook around her pen. “No, I’m sorry. You’re right.” She reaches out for the water bottle. “Thank you. Let me just go brush my teeth and then I’ll be right there, okay?” 

Yoohyeon’s afraid to speak, because she’s still sad, so she just nods and walks back into Yubin’s bedroom. When she’s cloaked in the dark and under her blanket, she feels the tears break through and roll down her cheek. 

True to her word, Yubin’s there five minutes later. She doesn’t turn on the light, simply slips off her house slippers by the bed and crawls over Yoohyeon’s body to lie in her place by the wall. Yoohyeon turns over so her back is to Yubin. 

After a little while, just as Yoohyeon’s breathing is starting to even out, she feels a cold hand snake around her waist and the front of Yubin’s body pressing up against Yoohyeon’s back. 

She swears she feels the trace of Yubin’s lips on her shoulder, but she must already be asleep. 

* * *

They’re doing more promotional stuff today but for some reason, Dami fails to show up. Instead, Yubin’s there. She’s giggly and smiling and allowing Yoohyeon to back-hug her like they’re in the privacy of their dorm. 

Yoohyeon takes full advantage, resting her chin down on Yubin’s shoulder, reaching around to play with the long blue of Yubin’s extensions, tangling their fingers together and not letting go. 

Yubin is smiley the whole day, her Dami persona seemingly unavailable to her. And Yoohyeon isn't going to complain. She’ll take Yubin dressed as Dami over Dami any day of the week. 

(This happens sometimes. Where there’s a shift and Yubin is obviously in professional mode but doesn’t cut off her affectionate tendencies. And when it does happen, Yoohyeon is always the one to cling.) 

Yubin isn’t one for fanservice. Sure, Yoohyeon feeds into it because  _ why the fuck not, _ right? If the fans love it, there’s no harm done. So, when Yubin does  _ this, _ acts like  _ this, _ while dressed as Dami, it’s most usually genuine and that thought shouldn’t make Yoohyeon’s heart skip a beat and drum unsteadily in her chest, but it does. 

* * *

It’s one of their days off, and Yoohyeon is itching to go out. Maybe get some ice cream. She rasps a knuckle against Yubin’s door. No answer. Again. No answer. 

She opens the door to find Yubin on her bed with a couple notebooks spread out everywhere, her phone turned over on her lap, and her headphones on her neck. She looks up when she sees Yoohyeon. 

“What is it?” she says gruffly. 

Yoohyeon swallows. “Never mind,” Yoohyeon says, moving to close the door. 

Yubin sighs. “What is it?” she asks again, clearly a little more annoyed than she was when she asked the first time. 

“Just wanted to get ice cream and wanted to know if you wanted to come with me,” Yoohyeon mumbles. 

Yubin takes the headphones off her neck, turns over her phone to pause whatever she’s listening to. “You’re a big girl,” she says. “You don’t need me to go with you whenever you want to do something.” She sniffs. “Besides, I’m working. As you can see.” 

Yoohyeon feels her lip wobble but she nods anyway, hoping to God Yubin can’t see her reaction. “You’re right. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” 

“Yoohyeon —” Yubin starts, but Yoohyeon has already closed the door. 

* * *

Yoohyeon’s lying in bed, in her own bed, listening to the sound of Bora’s breathing below her. 

She’s still thinking about that incident with Yubin. It’s been days, and Yoohyeon’s been expertly ignoring the other girl, not knowing what to say or how to bring it up, or even if Yubin herself wants to discuss it. 

She’s seen Yubin act that way with others in the group when she’s in work mode, be standoffish with strangers or other people in the industry that she doesn’t necessarily know, but it’s never been turned onto Yoohyeon. 

Yoohyeon feels sad, and pathetic, for crying in her top bunk over her group member who probably has no idea she feels this way. Yubin didn’t do anything wrong, so why does Yoohyeon find it hard to breathe whenever she thinks of how Yubin talked to her? 

She sniffles, as quiet as she can, and rubs her cheeks with her blanket. 

(She’s been having trouble sleeping, itching to have Yubin’s body close to hers. She’s grown so accustomed to sleeping with the other girl that as soon as she gets into her own bed, by herself, she isn’t able to actually fall asleep. And it’s futile anyway.) 

When Yoohyeon’s face is dry and clear of all signs that she’s been crying, she quietly comes down from her bunk and tiptoes out into the living room area, hoping to find it empty.

It’s not.

Yubin’s in there, knees tucked up to her chest, watching something on the television that’s so low it’s practically muted. She looks up when she hears Yoohyeon approach. 

“Sorry,” Yoohyeon mutters. “I’ll go back to my room. I don’t want to disturb you.” 

Yubin looks tired, dark rings under her eyes. 

“You’re not.” She pats the couch next to her. “Come. I’m just watching this drama that has reruns at this time of night.” 

Yoohyeon does a quick mental debate in her head. Go back to her room and potentially wake Bora getting back into bed, and then crying while trying to be quiet, or sit here in silence with the girl she’s been wanting to spend time with for days. 

“I won’t bite,” Yubin says, cracking a small smile. 

Yoohyeon holds her tongue, stops herself from saying something she might regret. With a defeated nod, she sits beside Yubin on the couch, a little bit of distance between them.

They sit in silence, and Yoohyeon loses track of time but she feels herself start to lean closer to Yubin. 

Of course, the other girl opens her arms and allows Yoohyeon to snuggle in close and get under her blanket. Yoohyeon feels her throat tighten and her eyes start to flood, and she swallows thick, and she thinks her emotions are in check until she feels Yubin press a kiss to the crown of her head.

(That’s a newer side to the intimacy between them. They cuddle, sure. Hold hands, sure. And often. They never kiss, on the cheek or the head, anywhere. It’s just an unspoken thing, one that Yubin has apparently decided doesn’t matter.) 

Then the dam breaks. Yoohyeon hugs Yubin closer to her, both arms tightening around her waist, and Yoohyeon knows for damn sure Yubin can feel her shirt getting wet with tears but she doesn’t say anything about it, just allows Yoohyeon to get it out of her system. 

After Yoohyeon’s mini breakdown has finished, Yubin slips her cold fingers under Yoohyeon’s shirt, rubs at the skin there. It calms her, because of course it does, and her breath starts to hiccup.

“Are you okay?” Yubin whispers.

“I don’t know,” Yoohyeon admits. “I’ve been really sad since that day you blew me off.”

Yubin stiffens a little and Yoohyeon is terrified she’s going to pull away, but she doesn’t, her body relaxing again.

“I didn’t blow you off,” Yubin says carefully and Yoohyeon is thankful they’re whispering and in the dark because that gives her some parameters and privacy that she wouldn’t otherwise have if they were to have this conversation in the daytime when everyone was awake.

“Fine,” Yoohyeon concedes. “But you still talked to me in a way I didn’t like.” 

Yubin sighs, and the way her fingers are drawing patterns on Yoohyeon’s heated skin is distracting. “I wasn’t trying to be mean,” Yubin says.

“I know you weren’t,” Yoohyeon says quickly. “But when you’re… when you’re in work mode or in  _ Dami mode, _ as I call it in my head, you’re kind of a jerk. You’re cold.”

“I’ve always been seen as aloof,” Yubin points out.

“But you’re never that way to me. In a professional setting, in front of cameras, maybe. And I get it, even if it does sting a little. But when we’re in the dorm, at home, where there’s no one watching… I thought it was different here.” What Yoohyeon wants to say is,  _ I thought I was different and exempt,  _ but she doesn’t. 

Yubin presses her cheek against the top of Yoohyeon’s head and doesn’t answer for a long while, until, “I didn’t realize.” 

“Really?” Yoohyeon’s skeptical.

“When I’m working, I don’t focus on anyone else. Especially if I’m writing or producing. I’m in a creative zone. It’s just the way I’ve always been.” 

Yoohyeon doesn’t answer. Doesn’t know how, because now she thinks she just overreacted. 

“I’m sorry if I was mean,” Yubin whispers. “Or cold. I like to be professional when we’re working, but I didn’t realize how it could come off. Especially when we're not in a work setting and I’m still in work mode.” 

Yoohyeon nods the best she can but she’s still molded to Yubin. 

“I’ve missed you these past few days,” Yubin says, out of the blue. “I’ve had trouble sleeping without you there.”

Yoohyeon feels fresh emotion claw at her skin and try to make its way out but she swallows it down.

“You did?”

“Of course,” Yubin replies, voice gentle. “I like waking up with you in the morning.” 

_ In what capacity?  _ Yoohyeon wants to say.

“In every capacity,” is what Yubin says next and Yoohyeon is mortified that she actually said that out loud. “You’re a main source of my creativity, you know. I think about you when I write, or how you might sing a particular verse and how your voice might sound with any composition.” 

Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to say. 

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course.” 

Yoohyeon lifts her head, feels their noses touch. They’re close enough that they’re sharing breath, that Yoohyeon can smell the traces of mint toothpaste on Yubin’s mouth.

“Can I —“ Yoohyeon starts, but doesn’t get to finish, because Yubin closes the gap. 

It’s soft, and mostly chaste, and what Yoohyeon realizes she’s wanted the entire time.

(She knew, of course, deep down that her emotions were more than friendly. She craves the other girl's attention, her touch, to sleep next to her.) 

“I really hope that’s what you were going to ask,” Yubin says as she pulls away, foreheads touching.

“It was,” Yoohyeon responds. She rubs her nose against Yubin’s. “I just realized I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time.”

“Me, too.” 

Yoohyeon smiles.

“I hope you can talk to me if you feel like I’m being too cold toward you, Yoohyeon,” Yubin whispers. “Because I’d never do it on purpose.”

“I know,” Yoohyeon says. “I know now.”

“Good.” Yubin yawns. “Can we go to bed now? Please? I need a good night's sleep.” 

“Yeah, just…” Yoohyeon kisses Yubin again, a little firmer and exploratory than last time. When they part for the second time, Yoohyeon says, “we can go to bed now. I just wanted to do that again.”

Yubin laughs, quiet. “Let’s go to bed.”

Yoohyeon peels herself off of Yubin and searches for the television remote, clicking it off and bathing them in darkness.

She feels a cold hand touch hers and then a flash of light as Yubin uses her phone to navigate them through the dorm into their room.

(Yes, their room, thank you very much.) 

“I really am sorry,” Yubin says again, when they’re tangled together and close to sleep.

“I know,” Yoohyeon says. “Let’s just go to sleep.” She feels lips at her temple.

And she thinks, maybe she can get over the aloof professionalism now that she knows there’s a reason for it. 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/blowthepiris)   
>  [come talk to me about my writing here!](https://curiouscat.qa/blowthepiri)


End file.
